Hanging On By A Guitar String.

It’s been a really rough week. Gauntlets have been laid down. Decisions have been forced. Once again it felt as though my entire photographic career was hanging by a mere thread, and that thread was about to break.

I’ve hit this place before. This place where I have to choose either a life under flourescent lights and with the incessant clicking of computer keyboards, or dare to be a rebel who foolishly follows her dreams to the detriment of all who love her. Because it isn’t just HER on the ride, is it? It’s everyone.

Someone once told me, quite surprisingly, that I was the center of my family. If I had to guess, I would have said my mother. But according to this person, I was the person they were all attached to. I was the person that brought everyone together. And if that is the case, then when I choose my foolish flighty dreams of artistry, it’s not me, alone, that is subject to the inevitable rollercoaster that will come from that decision. It’s everyone.

And so I got to that place again… Which way do I choose? And on everyone’s lips are two of the words I hate the very most: hobby and sideline. “Get a normal job. You can do your photography on the side.” “Get a normal job. Photography can be a hobby.” It’s the verbal equivalent of Oedipus stabbing out his eyes. (If you remove the painful familial details.)

I’ve checked Craigslist occasionally. I agree a more steady income would be a blessing. But I also know that nothing ever done “on the side” or “as a hobby” would the enough for me. Like one of those house mothers who is only happy when they play Auntie Mame at their local community theatre. The rest of the year, the suffer their lives waiting for the next round of auditions.

No, sidelines and hobbies are not for me. I am an everything or nothing kind of girl. Which is unfortunately, at this moment, not working out so well….

And that is the mindset I had when I was offered the chance to shoot John Mayer’s concert at Scottrade on Saturday.

I was first asked to photograph a concert at the Pageant by the RFT. And even though the music was loud, the stench of pot was strong and the words were incoherent, I was addicted. The energy, the lights, the movements, the show were some of the most exciting photos I had taken. It was a high like I had never felt before.

I am not the RFT’s go-to girl for concert photography. They have other people for that spot. So, I rarely get the chance to shoot concerts. Thusly, when Mayer came up for InsideStL, at Scottrade no less, I jumped at the chance.

I don’t think I can describe the feeling. The lights of every color bouncing back and forth while you watch this man (or woman) that you have only ever heard of or seen on TV stand mere feet away as he (or she) attacks their guitar and sings. The energy is infectious. The mood is indescribable; like elation mixed with childish joy. And the photos are…. The photos are… Satisfying.

That sounds pretty vanilla doesn’t it? “Satisfying”. But let me tell you, when you get THE RIGHT SHOT… When you get THE PERFECT LOOK… When you nail something that perfectly captures the mood, place, time, feeling, setting, ambiance… That feeling is satisfying. And satisfying is a pretty big thing when you are capturing moments that fly by so quickly sometimes the camera can’t keep up.

So I raise my broke, struggling, artistic-minded and desperate drink to you, the noble folk who put on concerts. From the singers to the backup, the crew, the lighting, and the venues. What you do is absolutely magical.

And in a time when I have to choose a regular life filled with mediocrity, or an irregular life filled with high highs and low lows, you gave me a reason…for one more night…to choose the path I feel drawn to.